Just one heartbeat away from President

I just don't get McCain. Why would he pick Gov. Palin? I get that he's trying to get the female vote, but WOW! He can't find one with more experience? I'm not as concerned about McCain's age as I am about an assassination attempt. Actually, both really frighten me. I can't imagine this lovely woman taking over the country! Bad, bad choice I think. Of course, if you watch TV at all, it won't be an issue because McCain won't be president anyhow :)

R.I.P. Joel Starr

To the BEST tour guide in NYC!!! I am so sad to hear of your passing, I had really hoped to get back out to NYC so you guys could show us around a little more. We had the BEST time with you guys! Not many people get to experience NYC the way we did with you. Start off in Greenwich Village in an apartment the size of a shoebox, get in cabs to go to Ground Zero (only six months after the attack), walk through the park with the fountain (what the hell was the name of that???), walk around the Brooklyn Bridge, visit One Police Plaza (or whatever the police station is called), eat REAL chinese food in Chinatwon (near Catherine Street, I might add), get all 12 us into a cab with a driver who didn't speak English and tried to drop us off in Queens, buy hot chocolate back in the Village, ride with us to Times Square and show us the sights (including the dude in the aluminum foil suit). Thanks the most for literally lying down in the middle of the street to take a picture of Colleen and I with Times Square behind us! You rocked!
Now, if someone could just tell us how you died. All we know is you were in Brazil buying coffee beans and now you are gone... Just not right.

This weekend

I headed to Glendive for my sister's mother's funeral Friday. She is my half-sister obviously. I started call this weekend after 2 weeks of vacation. The first call I got was just a question about a CT protocol and I suddenly realized that in two weeks, I had completely forgotten how to run my machine! Don't fret, it all came back to me pretty quickly but it was sort of alarming. Now I am fretting because I am heading to California to learn a new machine in October. It is the latest, greatest, most advanced CT machine out there and I have to learn it in a week!!! It's a 320 slice scanner and only the 7th one in the nation (at least by Toshiba). I am worried that I won't be smart enough! Obviously, I have been chosen to go to training, but holy COW it's 40 hours of training! YIKES! Anyhow, a couple more days of call and I have Monday and Tuesday off so that's nice. My dad's birthday is Monday, but we are having the BBQ tomorrow (got someone to cover a couple hours for me). YUM, FOOD!!!

Told you I was random :)

Where did I leave off?

So, you get the basics... I was adopted and chickened-out when it came to finding my birthmother. WELL, that was when I was 18, it gets better...
I met the love of my life when I was barely 22 and he was 21. I think I will save an entirely new blog for THAT whole story. Anyhow, my daughter was about 2 at the time (gasp! scandal!) and I suddenly had this urge to know my birthmother. Somehow or another, we had gotten copies of my adoption papers, just info on my birth such as where, when, what I weighed, basic info about my parents. I got the fact that birthmother is a big mix of a bunch of nationalities while my "punitive" birthfather is half Bohemian. I have always laid the blame for my body frame size on that fact :) Anyhow, one of them was nearsighted, one was farsighted, hence my 20/10 vision. I was clued in to the fact that my mother was a pleasant, musically inclined girl who turned 18 two days after I was born. She actually drove home with her parents on that day. Now, this is something that STILL brings a bit of a tear to my eye, I just said she drove home and I don't mean across town from the hospital. She was from Lewistown and her parents (dad was a prominent lawyer, soon to be judge) decided it would be best if she leave town to have me. I canNOT even imagine how that felt. "Gee, kiddo, we sure love you, but you gotta go have that baby somewhere else so that nobody finds out. Then you can come home, pretend nothing happened, and graduate." What a bunch of crap. But, I guess it WAS 1971 and things were just different then. I never really had any sort of feeling about my birthmother until I found this out. I didn't hate her, I didn't love her, I was just grateful that she let me be raised by my parents. After I found out she lived with foster parents, I just felt sad for her. Moving on...
As we were reading these documents (my folks and I), I realized I had my birthmother's name right there in front of me. Toni. Antonia. Holy crap! I had never put a name to her! Sad again, but WOW! The last name of her and her family and her foster family were cleverly covered for the photocopies. Here is where it gets interesting. Apparently, they used CLEAR SCOTCH TAPE for the purpose of disguising these names! From one spot I could read the first part of her last name and from another spot, I got the rest. I had her entire name right there in front of me and didn't have to go through the whole legal process!!! My mom and dad were FLOORED, I was just stunned beyond belief. Just FYI, my mom called the state the next day and told them what happened, could be a HUGE legal issue in the wrong hands. My parents revealed that they knew my birthmother's father was a lawyer in Lewistown and we thought, "What the hell, let's look in the phone book for anyone with that last name." Hard enough to believe, but there is a lawyer here in town with that same last name! I think my whole world felt light and heavy all at the same time. Here I was with a name and probably a connection to the woman who had given birth to me! What do you do with that??? I'll tell you what we did... My father actually picked up the phone and called that lawyer here in Billings. THAT is the kind of dad I have. My parents were never threatened by me searching for my biological family. They realized there was a curiosity and were secure in that they had raised me as a biological daughter. My folks KNEW I didn't need or want another family. My mother held my hand while my dad called and said, "You don't know me, but I think my daughter may be related to you. Are you related to Toni * (didn't think I would give that out, did you?) ?" The man said, yes, indeed that was/is his cousin. He had known I was born, but that really was it. He said he would call his cousin's parents and give them our phone number. Was it 10 minutes or 10 days before they called? I'm pretty sure it was that very night, but it felt like FOREVER! Then, there it was, a phone call from someone who probably looked like me! My birthgrandmother (what else to call her?) called and was SO excited to hear from me! I chatted with her and her ever-so-charming husband for probably an hour. I found out that my birthmother had really no desire to meet with me at this point, but I didn't really care. I have nothing but respect for her. She did the most amazing thing I can even imagine... She gave me up so that both of us would have a better life. It would work out very well for both of us. I have an amazing, loving family and she went on to graduate from college as a nurse. She has a wonderful husband and 2 sons. It may be easier to make a list of things I learned over the next few hours. I talked with Toni's parents and then spent a very LONG time on the phone with my "uncle" who is 6 months younger than me!
~Toni is one of 11 children
~Her father was the judge during all the Freemen (militia stuff) trials in Lewistown
~Her family had always hoped I would seek them out
~Her sons had learned about me only a year before this contact, I believe they were in highschool at the time
~Toni and her mother (perhaps the whole family) are very musically inclined and teach piano

Well, my head is spinning because I can't type as fast as I'm thinking! Not long after all of this happened, I was married, went off to college in Wyoming. After that initial phone call, I finally found a way to write a letter to my biological family. I sent about 10 pages and some photos from different stages of my life to my biological grandparents and they passed it on to Toni. We chatted on the phone every now and then and it was very comfortable. I was devastated to find out that my biological grandfather had passed away while I was in Wyoming. I was SO hoping to meet him. This is where I finally got to see someone who looked like me. My mom sent me a copy of his obituary and a rather large newspaper article about him. They had a picture of him, and my heart melted. He had the most kind, crinkly eyes I have ever seen. He had a bit of an elfin quality, meaning he had this permanent grin and smile lines and just exuded happiness. Jubilant is a way to describe it I suppose. I sent a card and letter to his wife and expressed my desire to meet her someday. She was thrilled and it happened... Just not too soon. I moved back to Montana when I was 29 and put meeting my biological grandmother on my list of things to do. It must have been 2002 or 2003 when I finally made the trip. I just decided one day that I was going to Lewistown! My husband was working and one of my daughters was at a friend's house. I called my mom and said, "I'm going to Lewistown today. Would you please come with me? I can't do it without you." My mother said she would absolutely go with me. My dad decided it just wasn't his thing which was just fine with me. So, me, my mom, and 2 of my three daughters drove to Lewistown. I had called to be sure it was OK to come up and my bio grandmother was SO excited! She gave me directions to her house that she shared with one of my "aunts" and said she would be there waiting. It was really not a big deal until we actually found the house and started walking to the door. I was just about to run the other direction when the door opened and this adorable little woman came toward me with arms outstretched. This was my grandma! She practically knocked me over and gave me the biggest, best hug I may have ever gotten. She proceeded to pat my back... HARD!!! She giggled and said, "That's what we do in this family, we thump!" Well, she wasn't lying... My two aunts who were there did the exact same thing. One of the aunts lived there and the other came over when she heard I was coming. It's amazing to be embraced into a family that you always knew was there, but was never THERE. So, the tears were flowing pretty freely at this point. There were thank-yous all around. My mom thanked my new grandma for letting her raise me and my grandma thanked my mom for raising me. Finally, we headed into the house. As we walked through the front door, I saw stuffed animals on the back of the couch. I looked at my mom and said, "Look, lions and tigers and bears..." I was interrupted by my aunts who said, "Oh my!" To make this part a little easier, let's make another list of things that I discovered during my visit...
~My favorite movie of ALL TIME is Wizard of Oz... It also happens to be their whole family's favorite movie
~I work in Radiology (CT Tech) and Toni is a nurse in Radiology (Cath Lab)
~My whole biological family is musical, which I have mentioned already... But here's what is funny about that... My mom and dad can't carry a tune in a bucket, my sisters are not very musical either, but I am all about music. I have always loved music of all kinds, been involved in music, and my daughters sing with me all the time
~I finally saw pictures of my birthmother and WOW did we look a lot alike! I was blown away at how much we looked alike and by how much I looked like her sisters that I was chatting with. Also, there on the piano, were pictures of my half-brothers. Again, people who looked like me!

It was a great visit. We all just fit together and fell into conversation quite naturally. At one point, I asked what kind of medical history there is in the family and discovered that one of the aunts I was with had had breast cancer. Other than that, there really is no significant medical history to worry about... On Toni's side anyhow. I managed to get one of my aunts alone and said, "I really wanted this to be between Toni and I, but since she isn't ready for me yet, I need to ask you. Who is my biological father?" She said, "Oh, you mean Asshole?" She gave me his last name but wasn't sure about the first name. There were two brothers with that last name that went to school with Toni and she couldn't remember which one it was. Either way, I had somewhere to start. After this visit, I came home and hit the library. I looked up my birthmother and discovered that I needed to send off to Lewistown to get copies of photos from yearbooks. There is a lovely lady at our library who does this sort of searching and sent the request on my behalf. About a week later, I got an envelope from the Lewistown library. It was a fat one! Inside, I found photocopied pictures of my birthmother (all 4 years and some choir ones) and some of both of the boys that could be my father. The funniest thing about the pictures of my bio mother (besides the cat-eye glasses) was the change in her physically over the years. The first 3 years, she was kind of a skinny lil thing with really short hair. In her senior picture, she was quite a bit heavier and had REALLY long hair! I giggle still when I look at those pictures and say to myself, "That's my effect on her!"

So, I'm getting tired again. Let me make yet another list... Things I want to blog about later...
~My birthfather
~Meeting my birthmother
~People recognizing me
~My hopes for the future

Good night!

Me, the beginning, starting in the middle

So, I guess I should talk about me a little... Where does one begin? That is actually a question I asked myself back in 1989 when I turned 18. As I turned 18, I realized it was time to find my birthmother. I have always known I was adopted, never a secret around here. My mother was a social worker who placed kids for adoption and my parents had always known they would adopt. Here was the plan... Have a couple kids, adopt a couple more. Well, the best laid plans blah, blah, blah. So, they couldn't manage to have children and decided to go ahead and adopt. Here is where I come into the equation. A few years later, they adopted my brother Mike and we moved to Denver. My folks found an amazing fertility doctor and got pregnant with my sister, Colleen! YAY! Well, everyone knows how fertility works and that's how 18 months later, my twin sisters, Chrissy and Cheryl, were born. So, from 2 to 5 in a short amount of time? Gotta love my parents :) ANYHOW, when I turned 18, I was legally able to petition the courts to have my birth records and adoption papers opened. My mom still had the phone number and name of the lady who placed me and we made a call. As part of the petition, I was asked to write a letter to my birthmother. Here is where we get back to that question at the beginning... Where does one begin? How do you write a letter to your "mother" who has never really met you? What do you ask? What do you tell? My mom and dad tried to help me, but that's pretty much something you have to work out on your own. I tried for a few days, but gave up. I have been so blessed with the life I was given, or given into I guess. I don't need another mom or dad, I have no big "hole" in my life like so many other adopted kids you see on TV, I really have no use for my biological family. That sounds so cold! But, I really have no NEED for them nor do I WANT to be part of another family. I love mine! This sounds stupid, but the only thing I have ever really wanted was to see people who look like me. I was as blonde as blonde gets as a kid and everyone else has dark brown to black hair, even my brother. Funny thing is, my brother actually looks like me a bit (something about dogs looking like owners comes to mind). My sisters all look so much alike that they have often been mistaken for triplets. And, of course, they look a lot like my parents.

I'm tired... More another day :)

My first blog! Denver vacation

Well, other than MySpace, I have never blogged before. Please be patient with me! I thought it was time to do this because I have so many random thoughts and ideas and things to say and I just can't get it all out. This way, I feel like I've gotten things off my chest :)
I need to chat about my recent trip to Denver with my family. We had SOOOOO much fun! We rarely take a real vacation, but decided we needed to go this year because Ash is going to be a senior this year. She probably won't wanna hang with the fam too much longer so off we went. We borrowed my mom and dad's van for the trip so we would have plenty of room. Headed out on Monday and drove to Casper, WY. I went to school there and I wanted to visit one of my friends. Also, it's half way to Denver, so the trip seemed shorter! Side note... I highly recommend the Quality Inn in Casper! We had lunch with Jodella and then headed off to Denver. Stopped at Centerra and the Loveland Outlets to shop a bit then headed to our hotel. Holy crap! It was such a ghetto Super8! I have stayed in some decent Super8 places and thought I had been to this one. WRONG! This place had quite obviously had the door kicked/forced in several times. The ceiling out in the room leaked anytime someone showered. I'm pretty sure the nightstand had a worn-out spot from where several "transactions" had taken place. We survived one night but then I had to lie to the front desk and tell them there had been an emergency at home and we were checking out. My poor husband thought we were going to be shot or robbed so he slept with his gun in his hand (or so I think). We DID have fun that night though because we went to Casa Bonita for dinner. I hadn't been there in oh, say, 25 years and funny... It hasn't changed a bit! The kids loved it and so did we. The sopapillas alone are worth the visit!
Let's see, next day we hit the zoo. THAT was sooooo much fun too! The best part of this whole week is that Denver kids were already in school, so there weren't a bunch of people or crowds to contend with. I can handle kids in strollers... I can see over them :) Ash loved the snakes which was really quite disturbing to me. I took a ton of pics for her, but I was just waiting for one of those things to get loose and kill me. Macy and Tia loved EVERYTHING! Jamey and I had a great time watching the girls get so excited and I think Jamey really liked the monkeys. One of the things we said we would do on this trip was eat only at restaurants we don't have at home and for 6 days that is what we did with the exception of 2 breakfasts. McD's and Perkin's. Not bad! So, zoo night, we checked into the Radisson Gray Stone Castle which is such a trip! It's a trip cuz I lived in that neighborhood when it was built and had never been inside. I had to call my folks and say, "I'm staying in the castle!" Anyhow, we then had dinner at Hooters. They make the VERY BEST grilled cheese on the planet! After dinner, we hit the hottub and pool and then crashed on Sleep Number beds. That was kinda fun. Oh, I almost forgot... We drove through my old 'hood! We went by my old house, down by my grade school, the place I played soccer, some friends' houses, and my junior high. I get a little sentimental about that stuff. It was fun to show my girls where I spent so much time. And, yes... I walked uphill both ways to and from junior high!
Thursday we went to the museum. Jamey was kinda ADHD that day and we sort of ran through a few of the exhibits. But, the space odyssey part was REALLY cool! We played with all kinds of cool stuff and then we went to the Planetarium to watch a show about astronauts. Amazing how you can feel like you are falling when you are sitting still :) We had some lunch then checked out a bit more of the museum before hitting the IMAX. I was so excited to go there but it was a bit disappointing. It was a film about flying, but it was old and sort of lame. BUT we do get to say we went to IMAX. Overall, a lovely day! Oh, for dinner, we hit Dave & Buster's. Such a blast! We spent entirely TOO much money on food and games, but a good time was had by everyone. It was entertaining to see Jamey and the girls driving NASCAR cars against eachother. I would be in trouble if I didn't mention that Jamey won ;) We switched hotels that night again and stayed for the last 3 nights at the Ramada Plaza in Northglenn. Again, in my old neighborhood and a very nice place. The beds were GREAT! I slept great all three nights.
So, Friday we didn't really have a lot of plans during the day, so we shopped. And shopped. And shopped. We needed school clothes for the Chix and Jamey needed stuff too. He was such a crabass that day! Pouted the ENTIRE time. Found out 2 days later he was really not feeling good. Anyhow, shopped at 16th Street Mall, Cherry Creek, and ended up at Flatiron Crossing. Had a delicious dinner in the food court (I had Panda Express YUM) and headed off to a Rockies game. We had great seats just left of homeplate and not far up. They played the Reds and lost, but it was fun. I enjoy baseball, Jamey hates it, and the girls didn't really care. By the end, Macy was yelling for the players like she knew them personally. "Go, Matt! Good job, Ryan!" It was hilarious. Even Jamey ended up having fun! Got back to the hotel at 11 and needed to rest up for...
Saturday... WATER WORLD DAY!!! This is the day that we had all been looking forward to. I had rented us a "King of the Beach" cabana for the day and that might be the best investment I have EVER made! We had a nice little cabana next to the wave pool and a great hostess, Desi. We got 5 meals with cookies AND Dippin' Dots, 10 bottles of soda (not cans!), 2 water world towels to take home, some sunscreen, the tube rental was included, and so was a locker! It was SOOOOO relaxing to just chill out away from the crowds if we wanted to in between rides/swimming. It started pretty hot n sunny, but then a storm rolled in. Not a really big deal, cuz we had cover from the rain and wind. As it started raining, people headed home so after they re-opened 30 minutes later, there were no lines and it was nice and warm again! The best part is, they use heated water, so the wave pool was nice and cozy. That was an AMAZING day and worth every single cent! We will SO do that again! By the time we were done with this day, we had a little more shopping to do and then had to eat. Nobody felt like going out, so we ordered room service from Damon's Grill. OH MY GOD!!! FANTASTIC food! I had the best steak and salad and potatoes. And, not terribly expensive :)
Finally, we headed home on Sunday. Had lunch at Chili's (a peppery Applebee's) and headed out. Stopped at Levi's outlet again in Loveland to buy more stuff and then off we headed to home! Had a quick dinner in Casper and got home around 10 that night. The girls got kinda goofy on the ride home and broke out the makeup. When we stopped to get the dogs, I looked at my kids and bout died laughing... hair ratted and dark scary makeup on all three!
Overall, I am so glad we did this crazy trip! And I'm REALLY glad I bought tickets online ahead of time and had a bit of a plan. The only thing I didn't do right was the game Friday night. It didn't even occur to me that the Broncos (my fave) would be playing the Packers (Jamey's #2) just a mile away!!! We love football and would've had such a great time! BUT, my girls got to see their first Major League anything that night and Macy is the Rockies newest #1 fan!
If you read this... I'm Cathie and... Welcome to how my mind works! It has a general path, but gets a bit sidetracked now and then :)