A cold, cold night!

Oh, my goodness IT'S COLD!!! I'm sitting here at midnight surfing the web and checking my email and why not? Let's blog :) I am hoping I have more time now to blog more often. Things are settling down a little at work which is nice. Ashlie finished the outpatient alcohol treatment and now has 4-6 months of Aftercare. I'm really quite proud of her! She learned a lot about addiction and herself :) Tia and Macy are doing alright these days. Grades have slipped at mid-term I think because there has been SO much attention on Ashlie lately. BUT they are both determined to do great things by the time the quarter is done. Poor Jamey and I, all we do is work, work, and sometimes sleep! He's actually got a nasty cough/cold right now. I spent the day making cookies and fudge and cleaning house. Tomorrow is peanut brittle, more cookies, and some rice krispy treats! And, my mom's birthday party. She's going to find out that all of us kids and a few others have pitched in to give her a trolley ride next weekend to look at Christmas lights. It's the same day as the annual gingerbread building at my house! This season is just so FULL!!! I love Christmas!

Rockefeller Center Tree

I almost forgot! My mom got an article in the mail from her brother in New Jersey. It's about the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center this year. It just happens to be from the yard of a dear family friend! I remember visiting the Varanyak family many years ago. Mary was practically family all of my mother's life and was a very interesting lady. VERY interesting! We loved hearing about her outdoor plumbing and the stump she had out back for slaughtering chickens. Her twin sons allowed the tree to be cut down for Rockefeller Center because Mary had always said the tree would end up in New York City. It started it's life with the Varanyak's as a potted Christmas tree and Mary planted it in the yard over 70 years ago. The twins are 74 and I believe the tree is 80. Mary died about 10 years ago but one of her sons says there has a been a bluebird hanging around and landing on top of the tree for some time now. He believes it's his mother and I think I believe him :)

My month

Oh my goodness, been almost a month since I blogged. Too darn tired these days. My daughter started alcohol treatment a few weeks ago, just 2 days before I had to go to California for training on a new CT machine. THAT has been very difficult for me. I feel like I might have failed her somehow. I know I haven't, but it's tough to see. So, I go to California for a week and learn a lot of really great stuff and I met some neat people too! One of the guys in my class, Steve, works for BIDMC in Boston and I just HAPPEN to follow the CEO's blog! Creepy, huh? Steve was one of my favorite people out there. Very intelligent and quite funny! We had dinner over beers at the sports bar most nights and it was just nice to have someone to chat with. There was a guy one night with a shirt on that said THE GREEN MONSTAH and we just knew he had to have been to Boston. It was cool :) So, I get home on Friday night from Califonia and my husband leaves on Sunday afternoon for Denver. Another week without eachother! That week I worked 8's for apps training and actually worked closer to 10 or 11 hours each day. My hubby got back that Friday and I spent the weekend on call. I had to work Saturday night and finally had Sunday off. I worked my ass off again this week in apps and got the entire weekend off! YAY ME!!! Now, I just gotta get my daughter's senior pics ordered, grad announcements ordered, cap n gown ordered... Oh, and I have two other kids to worry about! Sheesh! We found out this last week that our daughter (who is 17) has a 23 year old boyfriend... I'm not gonna ask what more I can take, but really???

Mom of the Year

So, I get to be Mom of the Year and there's nothing any of you can do about it! For anyone who doesn't know, AJ got 2 Minor In Possession tickets within 26 days. One time, her dad took her down in handcuffs, the next time, I'M the one that turned her in at school. I really feel like we are doing the right thing to help her but THIS SUCKS! I had her do a chemical dependency eval and we got the results today. She definately has a problem and I signed her up for treatment. They actually wanted to put her into Inpatient Treatment, but since we are so involved, they agreed to Outpatient Treatment. She spends half her day in school then goes to treatment for the rest of her day. At least 5-7 weeks of it. She is NOT happy but willing to listen and be open to it. I think I'm dealing pretty well but it's all just happening around me at this point. I hope she gets that we are all doing this to save her and not just to be assholes. Anyhow, great thing is I leave for California in 4 days and will miss a whole week of her treatment, Sissy's parent/teacher conference, Bing's 1st basketball game and first band concert. So, bitches, I get the award :)

Montana Winter

I am absolutely THRILLED with the snowfall we got this weekend! Just in my yard we got damn near 18 inches. I miss this kind of storm. We used to get snow like this all the time when I was a kid, but they say it's been almost 15 years since a doozy like this. This weather is what gave Montana it's reputation as a snow-covered state back in the day. I LOVE IT!!! Funny thing is, it can go from 32 degrees to 70 within a day around here. We really have a motto in Montana... Don't like the weather? Wait 20 minutes. :) The only thing I am not loving about this weather is how many branches we lost. This snow is soooooo heavy and there are still a ton of leaves on the trees... CRASH!!! It's gonna suck to clean all this up, but one really good thing came from the snow today. I got a new snow-blower! I am the one in my family that takes care of the yard and I am so psyched that I got this new toy! It's huge and BADASS! But, it didn't like the slush that's buried under all this snow. Oh, well! Still had a blast with it! By next weekend, everything will be green and ready for another snowfall. But, I have a feeling that I won't be using my new toy until much later this season. Bummer...

A few minutes to myself

Well, I SHOULD be in California right now studying my ass off, but they cancelled the trip. I didn't get to go see WICKED but I got a really cool WICKED tote from Barnes & Noble the other night:) My hubby got it for me on our 15th anniversary. Yeah, 15 years! WOW! Pretty impressive for "kids our age" I keep hearing. What I'm having trouble accepting is that my daughter is graduating this year!!! Seems like it's true what people say... Feels like I dropped her off at Kindergarten and I'm just now picking her up as a Senior. What will I ever do if this kid leaves me and lives the rest of her life? I will be so proud! She is having a rough start to her senior year, but hopefully she's over most of the being so ornery. I got her senior pics just yesterday on disc and I LOVE THEM! She is just so beautiful! She convinced me to get a picture with her even though I had no makeup on and my hair wasn't fixed. It was clean, but just tucked behind the ears lookin' like a mullet!!! Geez! Oh well, I guess :) Well, off to learn a new recipe for my vegetarian 12 year old!

Damn Healthcare B.S.

You know, I hate the bull***t involved with healthcare! My hospital bought two new CT machines last year. One is a 64-slice, one is a 320-slice. Our 320 would be number 7 in the WORLD! Big time advanced technology. At the last minute, and I mean LAST, the Sisters of Charity decide maybe we shouldn't have it. Maybe our hospital won't use it enough to justify having it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? We are THE medical hub in Montana and basically Wyoming also. Whatever. They couldn't decide this like a month or TEN ago? Gotta wait til we have the damn thing here in town ready to install? SO now I don't go to California for a week of training, which is fine, I will go some other time. But, my sister just booked a flight to meet me there for the weekend. Her flight plans have to change. I get that that's the risk you take mixing business with pleasure, but I think the whole thing is a bunch of crap. IF they decide we get the machine, we can't have it installed until God-knows-when. In the meantime, I am (supposedly) going to go to Vitrea Vital Images training in Minneapolis. Yeah, I will believe that when I land...

By the way, yes... I am bitter :)

Theme?

I'm beginning to think my blog should have a theme! I see all of these wonderful blogs that actually have a purpose and here I sit just chatting to myself about nothing in particular. But, it keeps me happy! So, I stay random... It suits me :)

Court system sucks

Super long story short, my daughter got an M.I.P. (Minor In Possession) the other night. She came home drunk again and my husband put her in handcuffs and took her down to the P.D. They gave her the ticket and a court date of "on or before" Oct. 2. Well, luckily, I have had the last 2 days off and had time to take her to court today. We get there, go through security, stand in line to check in, get creeped-out by the people we are lumped-in with (3 of which she knows), and find out they don't have her paperwork. Next we had to stand in another line to get the paperwork, which puts us dangerously close to being late. Come to find out, they don't have her paperwork ready! I kept her out of school for this? REALLY??? She got the ticket last Thursday and it's Tuesday. How hard can it really be? And maybe the ticket should say something like "not before (date), not after (date)." Makes me crazy. The lady said, "Well, you came too soon I guess." No shit, Sherlock. Please forgive us for trying to face the charges like GOOD citizens. We will certainly put it off to the last second. Actually, we will be going in next Tuesday since I have that day off as well. I am leaving for a week on Oct. 3rd and really need to get this all rolling before the 2nd. I am going to call on Monday to be sure they have their shit together before showing up on Tues, but if it's not there... Prepare to read a blog about my disorderly conduct ticket :)

Could be my dad

So, on again about my life in general... Not long after I found out the name of my biological father, I decided to go ahead and try to find him. Of course, I only really had the last name. My aunts weren't sure which brother it was for sure but I could find out ;) I had my contact at the library get pictures of both of the guys from the yearbook that my birthmother was a senior in. Of course, it's not like I really look exactly like one or the other, but it was fun to see where I came from (even if I'm not sure which one is my biological father). I am assuming the one who was a senior with Toni is my birthfather, but that really is just an assumption. So, I googled a little bit and found that the one guy is here in Montana still. I dialed six of the seven numbers about ten times before I finally made the call. A very friendly gal answered the phone and put my guy on the line. I wasn't really sure what to say. I didn't want him to be too blown away. As far as I know, my birthfather doesn't know I even exist! So, here's what I said, "I'm Toni R***'s daughter. She actually had me her senior year and her family thought you might know something about my father." REALLY??? How dumb was THAT? But, he was very pleasant and said he couldn't even remember who she dated in highschool. He didn't know that she had had a baby, either. SO... Either he had a sex with her and she never told him about me, or maybe he's just in denial, or maybe he knows EXACTLY who I am and he doesn't want to have a relationship. I don't know, I just didn't feel like throwing him for such a loop at that point. Maybe someday I will be brave enough to get in touch with him again and try to find out what I can. Maybe.

I LOVE T.A.P.S.

I am a big fan of the show Ghost Hunters! Not ashamed to admit I only WISH that I could be a paranormal investigator. But, I don't want to be on one of those shows that ALWAYS hears or sees something but the camera never catches anything. That's a bunch of crap, if you ask me (which I know, you didn't). On the other hand, the guys and gals from T.A.P.S. are out to prove people wrong. They WANT to de-bunk what people hear or see or feel. What makes the show so amazing is when they actually get something on camera or microphone that gives me goosebumps. The reason I feel I must blog about this right now? I am watching a new episode and they are hearing voices! LOVE IT! Someday, maybe I will go into some of the things that I would believe have been personal paranormal experiences. For now, I have to watch "THE REVEAL!"

Go Broncos!

Yeah, it was messy and perhaps a bit corrupt, but a win is a win! Even I have to admit that Denver shouldn't have gotten that last really bad call, but I'm glad they won anyhow. Nothing like sitting in a room full of Bronco haters who talk shit all game long and then BLAM! Losers :) I am not always proud of my Broncos, but I am not a fair-weather fan. I stick with them no matter what. So, once again... Go Broncos!

The Shack

So, I'm reading this book The Shack and I just can't wrap my head around it! The gals I work with and I all read a LOT and a couple said I just MUST read this book. Started off good enough, daughter goes missing... Terrible and sad and you really want to know what happened. Well, then the dad goes and meets God. From the moment he meets God, the whole thing just glosses my eyes over. I find that I have read and reread the same paragraph so that I really get what's being said. I usually love learning someone else's point of view and investigating it, but this is just too much for me. I think I am understanding what the book is getting at and I realize it is fiction, but what I really want to find out is how God justifies taking the life of this little girl. And, I guess I just want to hear the reason, not all the babble about who God is and why God does what God does. Just give me the reasoning! I already have my ideas on God and this book won't change those, but it's interesting to hear another opinion. Oddly, a couple of times, I was about to give up reading and hand my book over to my friend who wants to read it but I just KEEP READING! Every time I start to get frustrated, I get to an interesting, easy-to-read section. I'm almost done with it and I really can't wait to get on to a new book.

Please tell me bad things come in 3's

One hell of a couple weeks I seem to be having! I went to my sister's mother's funeral last Friday which was oh-so-sad. I can't even imagine not having my mother. My sister-in-law went to California for her cousin's funeral just this past weekend. On Saturday Mr. Gary Reynolds, my highschool dean and longtime family friend, passed away from cancer. It was a really odd cancer... He had somehow gotten a melanoma in his stomach. Never seen such a thing and it took less than a year to claim him. Wonderful man who meant a lot to everyone he met. So, then yesterday, an old friend of mine who I was still acquainted with was in an ATV wreck. Apparently, the guy she was with had WAY too much to drink. Either way, she fell off the back, hit her head on the curb and didn't get up. Not sure she will make it at all... I heard about it on the radio and it just makes me sick. OK, well I guess that's actually FOUR things. I should be done for a while, or perhaps that last one has started another set of 3??? Geez, I hope not. I'm exhausted :(

School daze

I am in a daze! I am having trouble wrapping my mind around the idea that my children are growing up. How did I go from the first day of Kindergarten bawling my eyes out to making the appointment for Ashlie's senior pics??? I think it's taken me until September to make the appointment because I subconsciously believe that if I don't get the pics done, she won't graduate and leave me. Ashlie has started the countdown until her 18th bday and I have been counting right along with her, but I can't imagine her not here for me to pester. She has all these big "non-plans" to travel after graduation or maybe go to college or maybe take a year off. Oh, who knows? I guess we will see what happens.

She texted me (yeah, that's how we communicate primarily) the first day of school and said, "MOM! I'M A SENIOR!" I replied, "Yeah, I know :(" She was in shock at how the freshmen look so young and I needed to remind her that she was a child's size 12 her freshman year. She didn't even hit 5 foot or 100 pounds until she was a sophomore! Amazing what 3 years will do.

And, I have 2 more daughters to go! One is in 7th grade (another big milestone) and one is in 5th. What will I do when THEY get to this point? Part of me will be dying of anticipation for the Empty Nest, part of me will just be dying as they grow and go. Funny how you hear this will happen, but you never EVER believe it will actually occur.

Just one heartbeat away from President

I just don't get McCain. Why would he pick Gov. Palin? I get that he's trying to get the female vote, but WOW! He can't find one with more experience? I'm not as concerned about McCain's age as I am about an assassination attempt. Actually, both really frighten me. I can't imagine this lovely woman taking over the country! Bad, bad choice I think. Of course, if you watch TV at all, it won't be an issue because McCain won't be president anyhow :)

R.I.P. Joel Starr

To the BEST tour guide in NYC!!! I am so sad to hear of your passing, I had really hoped to get back out to NYC so you guys could show us around a little more. We had the BEST time with you guys! Not many people get to experience NYC the way we did with you. Start off in Greenwich Village in an apartment the size of a shoebox, get in cabs to go to Ground Zero (only six months after the attack), walk through the park with the fountain (what the hell was the name of that???), walk around the Brooklyn Bridge, visit One Police Plaza (or whatever the police station is called), eat REAL chinese food in Chinatwon (near Catherine Street, I might add), get all 12 us into a cab with a driver who didn't speak English and tried to drop us off in Queens, buy hot chocolate back in the Village, ride with us to Times Square and show us the sights (including the dude in the aluminum foil suit). Thanks the most for literally lying down in the middle of the street to take a picture of Colleen and I with Times Square behind us! You rocked!
Now, if someone could just tell us how you died. All we know is you were in Brazil buying coffee beans and now you are gone... Just not right.

This weekend

I headed to Glendive for my sister's mother's funeral Friday. She is my half-sister obviously. I started call this weekend after 2 weeks of vacation. The first call I got was just a question about a CT protocol and I suddenly realized that in two weeks, I had completely forgotten how to run my machine! Don't fret, it all came back to me pretty quickly but it was sort of alarming. Now I am fretting because I am heading to California to learn a new machine in October. It is the latest, greatest, most advanced CT machine out there and I have to learn it in a week!!! It's a 320 slice scanner and only the 7th one in the nation (at least by Toshiba). I am worried that I won't be smart enough! Obviously, I have been chosen to go to training, but holy COW it's 40 hours of training! YIKES! Anyhow, a couple more days of call and I have Monday and Tuesday off so that's nice. My dad's birthday is Monday, but we are having the BBQ tomorrow (got someone to cover a couple hours for me). YUM, FOOD!!!

Told you I was random :)

Where did I leave off?

So, you get the basics... I was adopted and chickened-out when it came to finding my birthmother. WELL, that was when I was 18, it gets better...
I met the love of my life when I was barely 22 and he was 21. I think I will save an entirely new blog for THAT whole story. Anyhow, my daughter was about 2 at the time (gasp! scandal!) and I suddenly had this urge to know my birthmother. Somehow or another, we had gotten copies of my adoption papers, just info on my birth such as where, when, what I weighed, basic info about my parents. I got the fact that birthmother is a big mix of a bunch of nationalities while my "punitive" birthfather is half Bohemian. I have always laid the blame for my body frame size on that fact :) Anyhow, one of them was nearsighted, one was farsighted, hence my 20/10 vision. I was clued in to the fact that my mother was a pleasant, musically inclined girl who turned 18 two days after I was born. She actually drove home with her parents on that day. Now, this is something that STILL brings a bit of a tear to my eye, I just said she drove home and I don't mean across town from the hospital. She was from Lewistown and her parents (dad was a prominent lawyer, soon to be judge) decided it would be best if she leave town to have me. I canNOT even imagine how that felt. "Gee, kiddo, we sure love you, but you gotta go have that baby somewhere else so that nobody finds out. Then you can come home, pretend nothing happened, and graduate." What a bunch of crap. But, I guess it WAS 1971 and things were just different then. I never really had any sort of feeling about my birthmother until I found this out. I didn't hate her, I didn't love her, I was just grateful that she let me be raised by my parents. After I found out she lived with foster parents, I just felt sad for her. Moving on...
As we were reading these documents (my folks and I), I realized I had my birthmother's name right there in front of me. Toni. Antonia. Holy crap! I had never put a name to her! Sad again, but WOW! The last name of her and her family and her foster family were cleverly covered for the photocopies. Here is where it gets interesting. Apparently, they used CLEAR SCOTCH TAPE for the purpose of disguising these names! From one spot I could read the first part of her last name and from another spot, I got the rest. I had her entire name right there in front of me and didn't have to go through the whole legal process!!! My mom and dad were FLOORED, I was just stunned beyond belief. Just FYI, my mom called the state the next day and told them what happened, could be a HUGE legal issue in the wrong hands. My parents revealed that they knew my birthmother's father was a lawyer in Lewistown and we thought, "What the hell, let's look in the phone book for anyone with that last name." Hard enough to believe, but there is a lawyer here in town with that same last name! I think my whole world felt light and heavy all at the same time. Here I was with a name and probably a connection to the woman who had given birth to me! What do you do with that??? I'll tell you what we did... My father actually picked up the phone and called that lawyer here in Billings. THAT is the kind of dad I have. My parents were never threatened by me searching for my biological family. They realized there was a curiosity and were secure in that they had raised me as a biological daughter. My folks KNEW I didn't need or want another family. My mother held my hand while my dad called and said, "You don't know me, but I think my daughter may be related to you. Are you related to Toni * (didn't think I would give that out, did you?) ?" The man said, yes, indeed that was/is his cousin. He had known I was born, but that really was it. He said he would call his cousin's parents and give them our phone number. Was it 10 minutes or 10 days before they called? I'm pretty sure it was that very night, but it felt like FOREVER! Then, there it was, a phone call from someone who probably looked like me! My birthgrandmother (what else to call her?) called and was SO excited to hear from me! I chatted with her and her ever-so-charming husband for probably an hour. I found out that my birthmother had really no desire to meet with me at this point, but I didn't really care. I have nothing but respect for her. She did the most amazing thing I can even imagine... She gave me up so that both of us would have a better life. It would work out very well for both of us. I have an amazing, loving family and she went on to graduate from college as a nurse. She has a wonderful husband and 2 sons. It may be easier to make a list of things I learned over the next few hours. I talked with Toni's parents and then spent a very LONG time on the phone with my "uncle" who is 6 months younger than me!
~Toni is one of 11 children
~Her father was the judge during all the Freemen (militia stuff) trials in Lewistown
~Her family had always hoped I would seek them out
~Her sons had learned about me only a year before this contact, I believe they were in highschool at the time
~Toni and her mother (perhaps the whole family) are very musically inclined and teach piano

Well, my head is spinning because I can't type as fast as I'm thinking! Not long after all of this happened, I was married, went off to college in Wyoming. After that initial phone call, I finally found a way to write a letter to my biological family. I sent about 10 pages and some photos from different stages of my life to my biological grandparents and they passed it on to Toni. We chatted on the phone every now and then and it was very comfortable. I was devastated to find out that my biological grandfather had passed away while I was in Wyoming. I was SO hoping to meet him. This is where I finally got to see someone who looked like me. My mom sent me a copy of his obituary and a rather large newspaper article about him. They had a picture of him, and my heart melted. He had the most kind, crinkly eyes I have ever seen. He had a bit of an elfin quality, meaning he had this permanent grin and smile lines and just exuded happiness. Jubilant is a way to describe it I suppose. I sent a card and letter to his wife and expressed my desire to meet her someday. She was thrilled and it happened... Just not too soon. I moved back to Montana when I was 29 and put meeting my biological grandmother on my list of things to do. It must have been 2002 or 2003 when I finally made the trip. I just decided one day that I was going to Lewistown! My husband was working and one of my daughters was at a friend's house. I called my mom and said, "I'm going to Lewistown today. Would you please come with me? I can't do it without you." My mother said she would absolutely go with me. My dad decided it just wasn't his thing which was just fine with me. So, me, my mom, and 2 of my three daughters drove to Lewistown. I had called to be sure it was OK to come up and my bio grandmother was SO excited! She gave me directions to her house that she shared with one of my "aunts" and said she would be there waiting. It was really not a big deal until we actually found the house and started walking to the door. I was just about to run the other direction when the door opened and this adorable little woman came toward me with arms outstretched. This was my grandma! She practically knocked me over and gave me the biggest, best hug I may have ever gotten. She proceeded to pat my back... HARD!!! She giggled and said, "That's what we do in this family, we thump!" Well, she wasn't lying... My two aunts who were there did the exact same thing. One of the aunts lived there and the other came over when she heard I was coming. It's amazing to be embraced into a family that you always knew was there, but was never THERE. So, the tears were flowing pretty freely at this point. There were thank-yous all around. My mom thanked my new grandma for letting her raise me and my grandma thanked my mom for raising me. Finally, we headed into the house. As we walked through the front door, I saw stuffed animals on the back of the couch. I looked at my mom and said, "Look, lions and tigers and bears..." I was interrupted by my aunts who said, "Oh my!" To make this part a little easier, let's make another list of things that I discovered during my visit...
~My favorite movie of ALL TIME is Wizard of Oz... It also happens to be their whole family's favorite movie
~I work in Radiology (CT Tech) and Toni is a nurse in Radiology (Cath Lab)
~My whole biological family is musical, which I have mentioned already... But here's what is funny about that... My mom and dad can't carry a tune in a bucket, my sisters are not very musical either, but I am all about music. I have always loved music of all kinds, been involved in music, and my daughters sing with me all the time
~I finally saw pictures of my birthmother and WOW did we look a lot alike! I was blown away at how much we looked alike and by how much I looked like her sisters that I was chatting with. Also, there on the piano, were pictures of my half-brothers. Again, people who looked like me!

It was a great visit. We all just fit together and fell into conversation quite naturally. At one point, I asked what kind of medical history there is in the family and discovered that one of the aunts I was with had had breast cancer. Other than that, there really is no significant medical history to worry about... On Toni's side anyhow. I managed to get one of my aunts alone and said, "I really wanted this to be between Toni and I, but since she isn't ready for me yet, I need to ask you. Who is my biological father?" She said, "Oh, you mean Asshole?" She gave me his last name but wasn't sure about the first name. There were two brothers with that last name that went to school with Toni and she couldn't remember which one it was. Either way, I had somewhere to start. After this visit, I came home and hit the library. I looked up my birthmother and discovered that I needed to send off to Lewistown to get copies of photos from yearbooks. There is a lovely lady at our library who does this sort of searching and sent the request on my behalf. About a week later, I got an envelope from the Lewistown library. It was a fat one! Inside, I found photocopied pictures of my birthmother (all 4 years and some choir ones) and some of both of the boys that could be my father. The funniest thing about the pictures of my bio mother (besides the cat-eye glasses) was the change in her physically over the years. The first 3 years, she was kind of a skinny lil thing with really short hair. In her senior picture, she was quite a bit heavier and had REALLY long hair! I giggle still when I look at those pictures and say to myself, "That's my effect on her!"

So, I'm getting tired again. Let me make yet another list... Things I want to blog about later...
~My birthfather
~Meeting my birthmother
~People recognizing me
~My hopes for the future

Good night!

Me, the beginning, starting in the middle

So, I guess I should talk about me a little... Where does one begin? That is actually a question I asked myself back in 1989 when I turned 18. As I turned 18, I realized it was time to find my birthmother. I have always known I was adopted, never a secret around here. My mother was a social worker who placed kids for adoption and my parents had always known they would adopt. Here was the plan... Have a couple kids, adopt a couple more. Well, the best laid plans blah, blah, blah. So, they couldn't manage to have children and decided to go ahead and adopt. Here is where I come into the equation. A few years later, they adopted my brother Mike and we moved to Denver. My folks found an amazing fertility doctor and got pregnant with my sister, Colleen! YAY! Well, everyone knows how fertility works and that's how 18 months later, my twin sisters, Chrissy and Cheryl, were born. So, from 2 to 5 in a short amount of time? Gotta love my parents :) ANYHOW, when I turned 18, I was legally able to petition the courts to have my birth records and adoption papers opened. My mom still had the phone number and name of the lady who placed me and we made a call. As part of the petition, I was asked to write a letter to my birthmother. Here is where we get back to that question at the beginning... Where does one begin? How do you write a letter to your "mother" who has never really met you? What do you ask? What do you tell? My mom and dad tried to help me, but that's pretty much something you have to work out on your own. I tried for a few days, but gave up. I have been so blessed with the life I was given, or given into I guess. I don't need another mom or dad, I have no big "hole" in my life like so many other adopted kids you see on TV, I really have no use for my biological family. That sounds so cold! But, I really have no NEED for them nor do I WANT to be part of another family. I love mine! This sounds stupid, but the only thing I have ever really wanted was to see people who look like me. I was as blonde as blonde gets as a kid and everyone else has dark brown to black hair, even my brother. Funny thing is, my brother actually looks like me a bit (something about dogs looking like owners comes to mind). My sisters all look so much alike that they have often been mistaken for triplets. And, of course, they look a lot like my parents.

I'm tired... More another day :)

My first blog! Denver vacation

Well, other than MySpace, I have never blogged before. Please be patient with me! I thought it was time to do this because I have so many random thoughts and ideas and things to say and I just can't get it all out. This way, I feel like I've gotten things off my chest :)
I need to chat about my recent trip to Denver with my family. We had SOOOOO much fun! We rarely take a real vacation, but decided we needed to go this year because Ash is going to be a senior this year. She probably won't wanna hang with the fam too much longer so off we went. We borrowed my mom and dad's van for the trip so we would have plenty of room. Headed out on Monday and drove to Casper, WY. I went to school there and I wanted to visit one of my friends. Also, it's half way to Denver, so the trip seemed shorter! Side note... I highly recommend the Quality Inn in Casper! We had lunch with Jodella and then headed off to Denver. Stopped at Centerra and the Loveland Outlets to shop a bit then headed to our hotel. Holy crap! It was such a ghetto Super8! I have stayed in some decent Super8 places and thought I had been to this one. WRONG! This place had quite obviously had the door kicked/forced in several times. The ceiling out in the room leaked anytime someone showered. I'm pretty sure the nightstand had a worn-out spot from where several "transactions" had taken place. We survived one night but then I had to lie to the front desk and tell them there had been an emergency at home and we were checking out. My poor husband thought we were going to be shot or robbed so he slept with his gun in his hand (or so I think). We DID have fun that night though because we went to Casa Bonita for dinner. I hadn't been there in oh, say, 25 years and funny... It hasn't changed a bit! The kids loved it and so did we. The sopapillas alone are worth the visit!
Let's see, next day we hit the zoo. THAT was sooooo much fun too! The best part of this whole week is that Denver kids were already in school, so there weren't a bunch of people or crowds to contend with. I can handle kids in strollers... I can see over them :) Ash loved the snakes which was really quite disturbing to me. I took a ton of pics for her, but I was just waiting for one of those things to get loose and kill me. Macy and Tia loved EVERYTHING! Jamey and I had a great time watching the girls get so excited and I think Jamey really liked the monkeys. One of the things we said we would do on this trip was eat only at restaurants we don't have at home and for 6 days that is what we did with the exception of 2 breakfasts. McD's and Perkin's. Not bad! So, zoo night, we checked into the Radisson Gray Stone Castle which is such a trip! It's a trip cuz I lived in that neighborhood when it was built and had never been inside. I had to call my folks and say, "I'm staying in the castle!" Anyhow, we then had dinner at Hooters. They make the VERY BEST grilled cheese on the planet! After dinner, we hit the hottub and pool and then crashed on Sleep Number beds. That was kinda fun. Oh, I almost forgot... We drove through my old 'hood! We went by my old house, down by my grade school, the place I played soccer, some friends' houses, and my junior high. I get a little sentimental about that stuff. It was fun to show my girls where I spent so much time. And, yes... I walked uphill both ways to and from junior high!
Thursday we went to the museum. Jamey was kinda ADHD that day and we sort of ran through a few of the exhibits. But, the space odyssey part was REALLY cool! We played with all kinds of cool stuff and then we went to the Planetarium to watch a show about astronauts. Amazing how you can feel like you are falling when you are sitting still :) We had some lunch then checked out a bit more of the museum before hitting the IMAX. I was so excited to go there but it was a bit disappointing. It was a film about flying, but it was old and sort of lame. BUT we do get to say we went to IMAX. Overall, a lovely day! Oh, for dinner, we hit Dave & Buster's. Such a blast! We spent entirely TOO much money on food and games, but a good time was had by everyone. It was entertaining to see Jamey and the girls driving NASCAR cars against eachother. I would be in trouble if I didn't mention that Jamey won ;) We switched hotels that night again and stayed for the last 3 nights at the Ramada Plaza in Northglenn. Again, in my old neighborhood and a very nice place. The beds were GREAT! I slept great all three nights.
So, Friday we didn't really have a lot of plans during the day, so we shopped. And shopped. And shopped. We needed school clothes for the Chix and Jamey needed stuff too. He was such a crabass that day! Pouted the ENTIRE time. Found out 2 days later he was really not feeling good. Anyhow, shopped at 16th Street Mall, Cherry Creek, and ended up at Flatiron Crossing. Had a delicious dinner in the food court (I had Panda Express YUM) and headed off to a Rockies game. We had great seats just left of homeplate and not far up. They played the Reds and lost, but it was fun. I enjoy baseball, Jamey hates it, and the girls didn't really care. By the end, Macy was yelling for the players like she knew them personally. "Go, Matt! Good job, Ryan!" It was hilarious. Even Jamey ended up having fun! Got back to the hotel at 11 and needed to rest up for...
Saturday... WATER WORLD DAY!!! This is the day that we had all been looking forward to. I had rented us a "King of the Beach" cabana for the day and that might be the best investment I have EVER made! We had a nice little cabana next to the wave pool and a great hostess, Desi. We got 5 meals with cookies AND Dippin' Dots, 10 bottles of soda (not cans!), 2 water world towels to take home, some sunscreen, the tube rental was included, and so was a locker! It was SOOOOO relaxing to just chill out away from the crowds if we wanted to in between rides/swimming. It started pretty hot n sunny, but then a storm rolled in. Not a really big deal, cuz we had cover from the rain and wind. As it started raining, people headed home so after they re-opened 30 minutes later, there were no lines and it was nice and warm again! The best part is, they use heated water, so the wave pool was nice and cozy. That was an AMAZING day and worth every single cent! We will SO do that again! By the time we were done with this day, we had a little more shopping to do and then had to eat. Nobody felt like going out, so we ordered room service from Damon's Grill. OH MY GOD!!! FANTASTIC food! I had the best steak and salad and potatoes. And, not terribly expensive :)
Finally, we headed home on Sunday. Had lunch at Chili's (a peppery Applebee's) and headed out. Stopped at Levi's outlet again in Loveland to buy more stuff and then off we headed to home! Had a quick dinner in Casper and got home around 10 that night. The girls got kinda goofy on the ride home and broke out the makeup. When we stopped to get the dogs, I looked at my kids and bout died laughing... hair ratted and dark scary makeup on all three!
Overall, I am so glad we did this crazy trip! And I'm REALLY glad I bought tickets online ahead of time and had a bit of a plan. The only thing I didn't do right was the game Friday night. It didn't even occur to me that the Broncos (my fave) would be playing the Packers (Jamey's #2) just a mile away!!! We love football and would've had such a great time! BUT, my girls got to see their first Major League anything that night and Macy is the Rockies newest #1 fan!
If you read this... I'm Cathie and... Welcome to how my mind works! It has a general path, but gets a bit sidetracked now and then :)